This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
