i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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