The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Mom said you looked used
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
