Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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