I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
