Me. At least after what I've been through.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
