He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
