I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
