I seem to have left my pride at pride
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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