I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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