How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
