Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
