i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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