hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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