i need an iv and a liver transplant
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
