Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i've created a new STD.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
