i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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