i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
