cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
