tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
