im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
