Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
