How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
