It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
