Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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