There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
