it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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