i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we're so committed to being not committed
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