apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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