you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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