I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
