Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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