I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
