dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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