I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize