would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
