You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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