the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't think brook has ever known best
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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