No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
