The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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