Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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