the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
