I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
