I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
