Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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