All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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