I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
