Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
