Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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