boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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