I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
