come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
