Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize