he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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