I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
