how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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