when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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