This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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