I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
