We're like a lot better than the average bears
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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