I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
