She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
