I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
