VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
